rachen's.

A BRAND NEW BEGINNING CALLS FOR A NEW CHANGE!

2010-08-30T02:09:00.001+08:00

RELOCATED AT:

http://peckyi.wordpress.com

three days of school have been...

2010-08-26T01:52:00.003+08:00

actually pretty alright! 3hr lectures everyday can get a little boring sometimes, but i guess it's just a matter of getting used to it. Actually, my timetable's quite slack. i start lessons either at 12pm or 3.30pm. but then again, it's a 1hr journey from home, what a waste of time!

I'll update more about school when this week ends!

fight on.

2010-08-21T22:20:00.003+08:00

Each time I fall, i pick myself back up. I don't blame myself for falling, instead i'm grateful that i've another chance to prove my worth. Corny but true.

the new FCUK watch my sis bought for me! :)

memories that stay.

2010-08-17T23:59:00.003+08:00

If I don't pack my room by today, I AM NOT CALLED GOHPECKYI!

i feel like a vegetable.

2010-08-16T19:00:00.004+08:00

I refused to be confined to my bed the last one week before school even though i was sick, so i decided to go out to run, cause i thought it would "counteract" the flu, sore throat and what not. apparently it didn't and made it worse- i was stuck in the rain halfway and i died running after 15minutes cos my nose kept leaking and every step i took was SO DAMN TIRING. i feel so lethargic and restless now. shit la.

Bed-ridden. I HATE IT.

I have a new aspiration!

2010-08-12T21:26:00.007+08:00

(although i highly doubt my parents will approve.)

School starts in 11 fricking days. PACK YOUR ROOM PECK!

when holding on and giving up are equally draining.

2010-08-11T00:33:00.008+08:00

Sometimes I try to my best to not think about where i've ended up, because i end up getting disappointed and it spoils my day. But in reality, comparisons happen and no matter how much you try to avoid it, it eventually gets to you.

I know i've disappointed not only myself but so many others. At times, just looking them brings tears to my eyes and i want to apologize so much, let them know how my best isn't good enough, how hopes shouldn't even have been placed on me.

It's been so hard to fall asleep lately. I've never felt so tired, mentally. All these while trying my best to put on a facade to mask what I really feel. I know I mustn't be unfair to my friends. I should't act according to my feelings and affect their mood. It's selfish. Right now, my smiles... I really don't know which of them are genuine anymore.

Treasure the moments.

2010-08-10T13:34:00.004+08:00

It's so important to realize that what you're doing is genuinely what you want.

Because time slips away faster than you think.

good food, good company!

2010-08-06T01:11:00.010+08:00

At manhatten fish market, something's fishy going on- the spaghetti's only 4 bucks!

I've been out almost everyday this week. I need to stay at home to start packing my room for school!

shoot me someone.

2010-08-04T16:07:00.007+08:00

While waiting for weizhen- who made me miss the first few minutes of the movie! and who clearly knows i am the kind who HATES missing first parts of any movie! (haha)

NEW MOONbig walk was alright, the only climax was the thunderstorm and rain which kept the lights and fans shaking like they were going to fall anytime. Flying tents and what not. And then all in my mind was, fml for agreeing to come. lol.

The rain stopped. I thought the worst was over but hey! guess what? no no.

I was being thrown on stage to pass prizes to this relatively important person to pass to someone EVEN MORE important and so on... (see how the chain goes on so long, which also goes to show how un-important i am since i'm right in front of the damn chain! )

and, i was ignorant of the order of the prizes and who to pass to because it kept changing, so half the time i was trying my best to squeeze out a smile despite being -beeping- flustered. fml.

ANYWAY, before I went for this event, I wanted quite badly to have a picture with jeanetteaw, like side by side? And i thought i could. but i could only get this close...

FML.

(i think i deserve more than 7/hr)

I can't wait for the next season of america's next top model in sept!

2010-07-26T16:02:00.004+08:00

my all time favourite- yoanna house from cycle 2!

Broken. again.

2010-07-25T02:07:00.003+08:00

"You know how people always say that if something is worth it, you should fight for it?

That you should fight like hell till you get it?

Sometimes it muddles me. Because, sometimes, whilst fighting so hard for it, you lose the very essence of what it is. It slips away faster. Which is why things and people should never be considered important. Because, once they do become important, it means you care a lot about it. And caring for something means there's a chance that it's gonna hurt when you lose it. At the end of the day, it'll all be pointless, won't it?

So, detach detach."

By victoria neoh.

Maybe I'm trying to find an avenue to escape by making myself busy but I've decided to give my bedroom a whole new makeover. I'm going to take away the pink, red and blues and give it a fresh new outlook! My dad has agreed to sponsor me $$ for the painting and furniture. I'm all set for IKEA! All the packing up of room, clearing heaps of rubbish, buying new furniture, painting and finding pics to put on my walls- it's going to be able to keep my mind off... right?

I want to be at my best.

2010-07-22T00:22:00.003+08:00

So much have happened the past few days. We sent cheryl off at changi airport on sunday. It's so heartwarming to see a good friend of yours knowing what she wants and pursuing her dreams. It inspires me. I've been thinking alot about what i want for my career the past few months. I've got an answer, but there are alot of factors to consider and when there are expectations to meet, it's no longer just about you. Anyway, i'll see how it goes.

Then, we had a crazy idea of staying in airport and waiting for the first train at 5.40am cos we missed the last bus. I wouldn't consider it as wasting time, Since we left kc, we barely had the time to meet up and spend time talking crap together like that. (haha)

-

On monday, I went for SIM's swim orientation aka training. We only did 1.5km but I was dying already. I don't even dare to think of the 6km training sets i used to do everyday years ago- it scares me how unfit i've become since quitting ssc. I was also contemplating of getting a lifesaving certificate. Hmm.

-

I've got my timetable for school printed out, and i'm pretty excited! This reminds me of my driving license, which I've been procrasinating since forever. My test date is sort of finalized- and don't ask me if i pass or not, because i'll tell you i've passed even if i fail. hahaha.

Giving up- it's no longer an option.

Because there is more to life.

2010-07-08T22:35:00.001+08:00

Yesterday they came over to have a sleepover at my house!

Anyway, I went back to tj for the nike run club and i'm very happy because I got to see my dearest swimming juniors and mr L- and that really makes my day! (Although all the pitching of tent and what not was -beeping- hot and draining). instant 40bucks! plus the other cash i earned from coaching, heehee! time for a shopping spree!

Received SMSes from different CCAs in SIM. I don't know if I should join swimming AGAIN. 10 years of swimming. and after adding 3yrs more of it, it will be a TOTAL OF 13 YEARS swimming. oh my gawd. no no.

then SRC? Sigh..I promised my parents to spend bulk of my time studying and not join any ccas, since unlike jc, ccas serves no practical use- there are no points awarded or whatsoever. Plus, I must never ever repeat the same mistake of spending too much time in school activities. Priorities peck!

Okay man. I'm going to ignore all those SMSes.

This was a conversation that went on between my sis and me.

ME: wa look at that rainbow! it's so nice and colourful.

SIS: (jokingly) ya but a pity your life isn't that colourful.

That's my sis- always joking. I know I shouldn't take her words seriously but it just occured to me that maybe she's right... her words are awfully true.

I don't want to sound pessimistic or wallow in self-pity but I hate to admit it but there are so many things I wish could change in my life. One day, I want to be able to say that I'm happy with my life without choking on my words. I want to be so perfect that I can truly tell myself there is absolutely nothing in my life i wish to change. I want to firmly stand up and say that yes, my life IS as colourful and beautiful as that rainbow.

Keep it going.

2010-07-07T13:11:00.002+08:00

"When I wake up in the morning, I have two simple choices: go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase the dream"

Chanced upon this.

And then it dawned upon me that dreams do come true. I have a few dreams that I listed when I was a kid. I've only realized one of it, but i'm sure there will be more to come. =)

Build these walls around me, and just leave me alone.

2010-07-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

Have you ever thought you could change someone?

I thought I could, but obviously I failed. Doesn't matter. Let go and move on. I really don't want to waste my time brooding over things or people that just aren't worth it.

If it was a month ago, I'd tell you I'm a person who doesn't let go easily. But today, trust me- I've dumped everything aside. To put it more bluntly, it's over and I no longer give a -beep- anymore. I've learnt how to steer clear and stay ignorant.

I'll say I'm okay with my life now. There are things I want to change, so that one day i'll tell myself that I'm happy with life. Just that now, it's no longer about the people I once thought mattered to me.

Anyway, I'm excited to start school! I know i'm going to regret saying this when I actually start school and the mugging that comes along with it but hey! new friends, new life, new environment... it's just what i need. =)

Speaking of which, I've quit working at hiv! And as crystal, who have also quit her job would say, "you're going to realize how good your life actually is!" haha. I doubted her words initially but after today, i'm beginning to sing in the same tune as her.

Although I'll miss the money but it's cool. I'm going to take a few weeks off before doing some job hunting! Or maybe find more students to coach- the pay is good heehee.

Over the next few days I'm going to pack up/decorate my room, start exercising( something which i've been neglecting since i started work), watch all my fav tv programmes and sleep AS MUCH AS I WANT so please don't ask me out for this week!! it's called isolation week. =)

This could be nothing,
but I'm willing to give it a try.

2010-06-14T21:48:00.002+08:00

The truth is, we never stop expecting, and we never stop getting disappointed.

Give me more time.

2010-06-13T14:24:00.001+08:00

I'll never think anything is good enough.